It was a cold night, so we all layered up. We got to the quiet cemetery and saw our little angel's headstone surrounded with untouched snow and her little Christmas tree. This wasn't a place I ever wanted to spend my Christmas, or ever imagined myself. But here we were remember our perfect little Macee. It was a heavy place for me, but I also felt peace in remembering her this Christmas day.
We said a prayer and sang "Silent Night". What a different meaning this song holds for us now.
"Silent night, holy night, all is calm, all is bright
Round yon virgin Mother and Child,
Holy infant so tender and mild,
Sleep in heavenly peace.
Sleep in heavenly peace.
Travis and I cried as we sang these precious words. Because after all, Christmas is about a perfect, heavenly baby. And now we had a perfect heavenly baby sleeping in heavenly peace in the arms of this once holy infant of the Savior. How we longed to have our baby here with us on her first Christmas. But if she couldn't be with us, then at least she could be with Him.
And then came the awaited lanterns. Lets just say that they didn't turn out how I had planned. But neither has the last year or my baby's life. So, I am learning to still find the good and go with the unplanned. And I did a pretty good job this Christmas night. Travis was trying to light the lantern, but both of our lighters weren't working really at all. And it was so, so cold! I am usually pretty good with the cold because I have spent a lot of time in the snow, but the kids and I had to keep going in the car. I checked the weather and the wind chill was -13 degrees!
Then finally, one lit and we sent it into the air. We were so happy to have one take flight. It was beautiful in the dark sky to watch it get higher and further away. It was sent for our Macee. I hope she saw it and felt our love. Our kids felt the connections to her, knowing it was floating up to her.
There ended up being a tender mercy that night as it wasn't going as we had planned. It was foggy and you could see the ice crystals in the air. Any bright lights around caused a bright beam of light to shoot straight up into the sky. It was so breathtaking. I had never seen anything like it. It looked like there were beams of light all around us. Then as we were trying to light the lanterns, I noticed a bright beam in the trees in the distance. Finally I realized it was the full moon rising!!! A full moon on Christmas! The moon was huge and was sending a big, bright beam straight up into the sky. And it was directly behind Macee's headstone. It really was amazing.
Then after trying multiple times to light another, we loaded up in the warm car and went to buy other lighters. I took my turn at lighting one and lifting it off. But it was getting colder and those flames were having a hard time creating enough heat to give the lamp lift. It finally did go up (and periodically go down a little, which gave us a laugh) and we were happy to have it take flight. At that point, we decided to wait to light the other lanterns on a different, much warmer night. Because the air was just too cold for the lighters and the lanterns to have the heat they needed to rise. But I know our Macee gave us an A++ for effort!
This night didn't turn out how I had pictured. But in the end, we all had such a good time together outside working together to light the lanterns and most importantly, remembering our sweet daughter and sister. We didn't even feel disappointed because the night had been wonderful as it was. The fresh winter air helped clear the sad fog we had been feeling. Macee definitely recognized our efforts! And the moon was spectacular. We all commented that there probably weren't very many people that watched the moon rise that cold Christmas night. But because of Macee, we had gotten to experience that. There hadn't been a full moon on Christmas in 38 years, or in any of our lifetimes. And there wouldn't be another for 19 more years. And I'm so glad we didn't miss it. It was a sweet Christmas gift from Macee.
Then finally, one lit and we sent it into the air. We were so happy to have one take flight. It was beautiful in the dark sky to watch it get higher and further away. It was sent for our Macee. I hope she saw it and felt our love. Our kids felt the connections to her, knowing it was floating up to her.
Up, up, up and away.
The full moon rising behind the trees
Then after trying multiple times to light another, we loaded up in the warm car and went to buy other lighters. I took my turn at lighting one and lifting it off. But it was getting colder and those flames were having a hard time creating enough heat to give the lamp lift. It finally did go up (and periodically go down a little, which gave us a laugh) and we were happy to have it take flight. At that point, we decided to wait to light the other lanterns on a different, much warmer night. Because the air was just too cold for the lighters and the lanterns to have the heat they needed to rise. But I know our Macee gave us an A++ for effort!
My breath shows how cold it was.
We ended with gathering in a circle around her headstone and all sharing our own Christmas message to her. With tears streaming down, we sang another song and ended with a prayer. We felt her, which is what we needed.
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