Taking Brielle to See Macee

Taking Brielle to Macee's resting spot was such a heavy thing to do. I think it was a mixture between grief, love, gratitude, and guilt. It almost felt like two worlds colliding- in one world, we are heartbroken and missing our baby and in the other, we are so grateful and joyous to have our new baby. But yet, these world are interdependent and connected.

I asked the kids and Travis to give me time alone at Macee's headstone when we got there to allow me to feel what I needed to feel and to introduce Brielle to this sacred place. It was so emotional to hold my little baby in front of my other baby's headstone. I just cried and thanked Macee for taking care of Brielle and escorting her here. It is hard to explain how it feels to have a beautiful baby here because my other baby didn't make it here. How can my heart ever comprehend that? I wish so much our family would have gotten to keep both baby girls, but that wasn't the plan.

After time crying and looking down at my precious new baby, Travis and the kids joined me and we talked to Macee and kissed our precious baby who we appreciated and loved so much. Then we decorated Macee's headstone for fall, which looked so pretty. We sure love and miss our Macee girl.

 Travis snuck out and took some pictures and I'm glad he did because it's a precious memory full of so many different emotions. 

Our Five Children

I see such joy in their faces in this picture. They have been through such a heartbreak that other kids their age couldn't imagine. And now they have a little baby sister to hold and love her on earth. And I just feel their joy and healing.